notafirewithin: (The smallest human smile)
I don't normally put ones up on my jounral, but since I'm probably gonna be on haitus for the offical one, I figure I ought to put something up here. Expecially since Ioann is pretty new and has been alot more complicated in comparision to my current OCs, though he's been pretty comparable with Anomie, I think.

Any feed back would be wonderful. Gonna see if I can enbale anon posting and all that jazz.
notafirewithin: (Burn them burn them all)
The Darkfire Wars

The Darkfire wars are worse than anything the people of Glence had experienced before. Always before, the wars were among the wizards, or against another country, this is the first time that a war was waged by a wizard against everyone. Glence is a nation that has always experienced conflict, intrigue, and violence as the different Provinces and the different Wizards fight for control. However, in its long history, it has only known two wars that compare with the scope and significance of the Darkfire wars.

The first was close to two thousand years ago, when Lisbet D’Loradon the Lapis Wizard overthrew the hereditary heir to the High Throne and began the tradition of magical merit being the sole determination of worthiness to rule. This reign is better remembered for setting the basis for one of the few laws that is enforced within all the Provinces of Glence, namely, the prohibition of stealing the magical forces of other Wizards. Lisbet, arguably the most powerful Wizard that Glence has ever known, not only discovered how to strip the magic from her fellows, but then proceeded to increase her own power by systematically draining those who refused to worship her. The war to remove her caused Wizards to take sides in a way that had never been known before, and left several long legacies in the politics of Glence. These include: Only the powerful can control the powerful, Blood is an indicator but not the sole source of power, stealing magic is worse than murder, your worth is determined by your magical power. However, that war was largely restricted to the magical community, with the lowest levels of Glence society unaffected since they possess neither magic or bloodlines.

The second war to compare in scope was the Telimarian War, when the expanding borders of Glence encountered the Telimarian Empire, where a natural immunity to magical energies resulted in the first border war that threatened more than one Providence. Further, Telimarian metal not only nullifies magic in its vicinity, but can break a Wizard’s ability to control magical energies all together. Several generations worth of Wizards lost power and status before Glence was able to raise a non-magical army strong enough to oppose Telimarian victories. Eventually, a mere hundred years ago, a truce was reached between the two nations, but it is still very much an uneasy agreement between countries with vastly different moral stances concerning magic. A positive result of the conflict was an increase in opportunities for non-magical citizens of Glence and the development of a standing army and the potential for status through physical might. A negative ramification is the increased paranoia of the mages that their world order has been threatened.

The Darkfire wars are unique in that it is the first ‘war’ that does not differentiate between magical and non-magical victims. Traditional non-targets, such as the Breliven Province and the Court, are attacked, random victims whether high noble family or poor village are razed with equal aggression. The Darkfire mage is not interested in conquering or ruling; he seems focused on nothing more than sheer destruction. In the face of this chaos, a variety of different people, mage and non mage, take advantage of the opportunity to battle for control.

The Darkfire Wizard
The Wizards of Glence do not actually know who the Darkfire Wizard is. According to their paradigm, they think they know him to be a powerful Wizard, possibly of one of the Highest blood lines as a rogue D’Loradon.

The truth is that the Darkfire Wizard is not someone that Glence would normally recognize as a high magic user. Prior to the Darkfire wars, Bartholomew D’Kenp was a low level military officer and veteran of the bitter end of the Telimarian war, who was reduced from his Wizard status by a gunshot injury sustained that striped him of his War magics, joined the military. Once a contender for the throne of Kenp, he was forced to pursue power through the military instead and was well known for his intense hatred of the enemy. Unwilling to be a member of the unmagical masses, he secretly experimented with various Telimarian metals and long over looked magics, until he uncovered references to weapons left over from Lisbet D’Loradon’s reign.

He sought out hidden research facilities deep in the Loradon mountains and experimented with what he found there. By combining the Fire magic artifacts with Telimarian metal, Bartholomew produced Darkfire. The initial weapon is metal infused with contaminated blood. Once the rusty metal comes into contact with fresh blood, it activates and turns that blood into a contaminate. When rigged to explode, the metal bombs produce a very hot burning darkfire. The real kicker is where the Life energy that the Darkfire consumes goes – it gets funneled back to Bartholomew and makes him stronger. Every life the darkfire takes strengthens him. But it also drives him deeper into madness.

Using Darkfire, he seeks vengeance against both the wizards who rejected him after his fall and the non-mages who he considers compliant with Telimarians. His long term plan is to completely overthrow the traditions of Glence by destroying the unifying components of the country, and then to take over with a new breed of warriors who combine magic and physical might. Keeping his identity a secret, he has risen to a high rank in the military during the Darkfire wars and uses his influence to undermine any perceived success of the centralized government.

Darkfire contamination has several key stages: First is the initial exposure, where the darkfire metal sears flesh and poisons the blood, and if amputated within the first few hours, the victim has a solid chance of surviving without any other effects. Secondly, the darkfire burns through the blood stream, quickly eliminating most forms of magic and causing the body to endure a devastating fever. The only real question is how long the body can survive the constant draining of Life that the darkfire inflicts. Should a person endure long in this stage, they often begin vomiting or coughing up blood, as the magical poison eats away at internal organs and seeks to continue its spread. This blood, like any blood the person infected sheds, is highly contagious and should be treated as a hazard.

Existential Questions
The primary, repeating theme in all of the stories of Glence lies in the experience of being magicless in a setting where magic is most important. What is a wizard without magic? In the Lisbet war, the main character struggles with slowly losing her magic as the queen, who she supports, drains it, while another one of the main characters is a magicless member of the royal family. In the Telimarian war, one of the main characters is a wizard working with the constant fear that his magic will be taken away, while another main character’s magic is made erratic and she is reduced to being a disrespected mage who is still using every speck of magic she has and showing how a little power can go a long way. In this Darkfire war story, the question plays out with Ioann and Bartholomew.

Bartholomew purposely set out to violate the laws of the land in order to gain magic, since he has none of his own. Ioann goes down the same dark path out of his desperation to have magic after his was taken away. Both characters make the conscious choice that it is better to be an evil wizard than not one at all, though they each have different motivations. Part of the intention of the plot is to bring Ioann into parallel with Bartholomew, so that when they finally face each other, Ioann needs to face that he has become the very enemy he is dead-set on destroying.

Ioann’s story purposely contrasts with a classic hero paradigm. It starts off similar, with the character being born into privilege, and then leaving home to receive special training. However, instead of continuing on to epic adventures and then ultimately have a fall from grace due to hubris, a random act of chance breaks him out of that cycle and into a more tragic one.

Ultimately, his story is doomed to an unhappy ending. He has to choose, in the bitter end, what is more important to him: revenge or redemption. Down the path of revenge lies power, might, control, and the destruction of everything that comes into his life. Ioann would become a force of destruction as powerful as the original Darkfire wizard, at the cost of the destruction of Breliven, a place that by that point he harbors a sense of betrayal enough to feel righteous in getting vengeance against. The other side of the path is effectively sacrificing himself to save it, and thwart the Darkfire wizard’s attempt to drain it of power.

He can only get to the point of being able to choose redemption through his experiences in the war; By interacting with people who have never had magic but have lived under the rule of mages. Ioann needs to be hit upside the head by people who think he’s being a proud little spoiled rich kid who is thinking only of himself. And he needs the friends that he makes, both the ones who give him space to confide and the ones who threaten to kill him if he goes to far. Ultimately, Ioann is forced to grow up, in order to truly say that there is something he loves more than his own life, pride, and power. Which is something Bartholomew will never be able to say
notafirewithin: (longing for reasons)
The University-Court
The first sight of the High Wizard’s Court of Glence is staggering. It hits the viewer upside the head with all the glamour and glory and menacing might of a hundred generations of wizards. Contained within that floating city, court, and university, are the most powerful wizards of Glence and the brightest minds and innovative casters. Hundreds of teachers, each the best in their field. Thousands of students, almost all of which are from a noble family, hailing from even the farthest domain of the lands of Glence. And servants, so many, more than all the people living within the bounds of Breliven. It’s the very beating heart, brain, and bitter soul of Glence, all rolled up into one tight wad of magic.

Far from Glence, the word has spread from mouth to mouth, ear to ear, that the mighty wizards of Glence, for all of their brutal civil wars, have never been defeated by an outside foe. Their floating castle has never been taken, can never, even, be taken, by force or magic frontal attack. It requires skill to gain entry to such a place, noble blood to contend for the throne, and magical ability above all else, in order to be respected by the myriad of wizards that rule the land of Glence.

Let those other countries pretend that their armies might protect them. Let those far and distant nations and monarchies and theocracies and chaotic city states, let them imagine for a moment or even a life time, that they might, should a war ever brew, stand a chance of shattering the alliance of mages that constitute Glence. And then let them come here, if they can find it. Let them come and look and feel, and shudder in horror at their own impertinence to dare to believe that such a place can be taken.

And let them flee, before the mages that occupy those high seats, who rule their lands with ruthless control and freedom in the broadest understanding of the term, with powers that defy the very laws of reality, look down from their positions of power, and notice.

Loradon

This province is a rather well known one, with many famous High Wizards, including Lisbet the Lapis. They are renowned for their fire magic and for producing powerful war wizards. The Wizards are almost completely segregated from the common population, and a feudalistic society functions across the land, with wizards ruling over different sections. They have an active military, and every unit is equipped with battle wizards.

The terrain is mostly mountains covered with dense forests, and rolling hills of farmland. The general wealth level is low and most commoners will never travel farther than the nearest town and will take on the job of their family. Wealth is highly concentrated in the hands of the wizards, though in recent generations, there have been significant increases in tradespeople and crafters.

The darkfire wars have been particularly devastating in Loradon, both because of pressures on the borders and because of the Wizard using the mountains as a base. There are roving bands of darkfire soldiers razing villages and attacking anyone and anything that comes within reach. Many are starving, more are homeless, and the military spends as much of its time keeping order as it does battling enemies. They have resorted to hiring mercenaries and anyone who will volunteer.

Breliven

The Breliven Province is just east of Loradon, nestled in high mountains. The entire providence lies within a single large, low valley. It tends towards colder weather and the soil is not particularly fertile, resulting in mostly shepherding among the commoners. The primary source of income that the province acquires is through visiting wizards come to experience the peace and healing air of the valley. There is very little socioeconomic difference between the wizards and the commoners, and even the poorest members of the Breliven society have enough to live comfortably. This is largely due to an unnaturally low birthrate, as every aspect of life in the valley is controlled by the matriarch of the Breliven family.

Bloodline and family status is very important in Glence, but in the Breliven Province, it takes on a completely different level of family identification. Instead of jealously guarding the bloodline from contamination and using purity of blood to define status, in Breliven everyone is part of the family. The bulk of the population can trace themselves back to the royal family, and immigrants quickly intermarry. To be a citizen of Breliven is to be a member of the family. The low population, low birthrates, and long life-spans, make it so that everyone knows everyone else, maybe not very well, but everyone is connected. Being around other Brelivens creates a comforting and empowering sensation. Even if two Brelivens encounter each other who have never met before, they feel an intrinsic identification, a slight up-beat in the energy of the world and themselves.

Family veneration is a large component of what it means to be Breliven. It is an expression of the solidarity of the family, a solidarity that runs vertically through the generations as well as horizontally among members of the same age. Refusing to participate in the communal life is considered the most shameful and selfish action a Breliven can do, and individualistic behavior that runs counter to family interests are targeted at an early age with punishments designed to shame and degrade the deviant into proper community.

The Breliven “up-click”
Brelivens can immediately identify each other, as coming into contact with someone else who shares their particular brand of Life magic causes a slight improvement in the very feel of the world around them. I like to call this the Breliven up-click, but they would refer to it as their peace, or the Breliven Presence. There has been so much of it in the land of Breliven that it flows over and sinks into the land, creating a powerful resonance that can impact anyone who goes there, giving the land a reputation as a place of healing and rest.

Even a spark of Life magic is enough to guarantee a long life, should nature be allowed to run its course without violent interruption. Sickness, in all its myriad of forms, is reduced to a minor incontinence, to be over come and not to be feared. Miss-carriages and fatal accidents are rare in a land populated by Brelivens, as if their strange aura of calming extends even to the errors of every day living, to defy the forces of entropy and chaos that would interrupt the order of a body, a community, a nation. Even when war reaches the border of Brelivin, that invisible line so easily seen, it resolves with astounding speed, as if the land itself, and the air and the water, rejects the unwelcome interruption.

The excited heart is quieted. The anxious soul finds rest. The nervous hand finds peace. All the whirls and swirls and shakiness, that trembles out of order and rushes through the days, is confronted by the palpable attitude of the rocks of Breliven, and the determined and tenacious gray-green grass. It whispers, underneath the surface, ‘don’t you want to join us? Don’t you want this peace, want it to envelope your heart and shield you from every tension and life-defying anguish?’ The Brelivens sigh as they cross into their domain, and they breath deeply and without fear for the peace of their homeland, striking an inner chord on an instrument that only they can feel. And the stranger finds easing, at first, until they realize that the whisper is not for them.

Foreigners do not stay for long, in Breliven. After a week, a month, a year, they all flee, eventually, back to what ever land spawned them. This valley is not for them, but for those of the blood, born of the earth and stinking of life. And Breliven can not stay away for long.

Explanation of the Magical System
Magic in Glence is strictly inheritable. If you are not borne with the potential flowing in your veins than all the study and knowledge in all the universe is useless, and worse than useless, taunting a soul with what is possible but beyond his or her reach. The blood will tell, as each bloodline donates to the wizardry of Glence its own unique offering and manifestation. And as the lines mix, new possibilities blossom and bloom into entirely new fields of understanding and wonder.

Wizards tend to separate types of magic into two broad categories: War Magic and Supportive Magic. War magics tend to be abjuration, evocation, conjuration, necromancy, and elemental. Supportive magics can be those in weaker levels, but most Healing and protecting magics count. High status magic tends to be flashy and lethal. Outside of unique provinces like Breliven, Healing, while necessary, is not prestigious.

There are ways, subtle and secret, and vastly deadly, to steal the magic from another. Of all the variety of ways and forms of treachery that the High Wizards amuse themselves with, that is one that will not be borne nor tolerated in any size. For stealing the magic of another wizard mandates the magic user’s death, as the essence of their being is ripped asunder and taken in by a foreign body. Like blood spilt, the source of power lies in the hearts-blood, the deepest inner most being. And one who has taken that once will never be satisfied with any lower crime; pure murder is not as stigmatized.

Religion in Glence (because how can I resist interacting on this topic?)
There is no established religion in the lands of Glence, and while the common masses may put their faith in a deity, among the Wizards such a weakness would be contemptible. Whether or not gods exist, the noble Wizards of Glence would not lower themselves to the point of worshiping one. Those who depend on an external force for power and salvation do so because they are incapable to trusting their own power and force. The Wizards worship power alone, and see themselves as striding ever toward greater and greater levels of power and control.

The Wizards do not believe in an afterlife. They hold that there is such a thing as a soul, because necromancers have revived bodies and found them lacking that critical persona of the original life, but the general belief is that upon death the soul is destroyed, unless otherwise preserved in a magical construct or spell; and whether that is a strict elimination or a blending into the world is up for debate in certain circles. It is enough for the wizards to hold that all that they lay claim to lies within this life.

There is no eternal damnation or salvation, no forgiveness that needs to be begged from some all powerful intangible entity. All rewards and punishments come in this life, and stem either from what one can do to his or her self or can do to someone else. There is no need to fear a deity; only the more powerful wizards. There is no religious basis for preservation of life, treating others with kindness, charity, justice or mercy. Any such stance must be upheld through logical arguments or practical implications, else be mocked by other wizards as an emotional based weakness of those unable to be ruthless enough to take what they want without concern for others.
notafirewithin: (Hopes created to be lost)
Birth and crèche
Ioann, and his younger brother Mikhail, are the children of a carefully arranged marriage between Fyador D’Breliven (grand-nephew of Pyotra, the current High Wizard of Breliven) and Polina D’Loradon (A powerful healing mage and cousin of the High Wizard of Loradon). The marriage was arranged by Pyotra for the purposes of producing children with both high magical ability and ties to multiple royal lines. Both children were immediately separated from their parents and put into a crèche care and pre-schooling with the other children of the Breliven royal line. Individuality was discouraged and conformity praised, and loyalty was hailed as the highest virtue that a Breliven can possess. The children lived in close quarters, with communal possessions and shared tasks. The primary form of punishment was public shaming, but the general air was that of happy and healthy children.

Early schooling
While his healing magic manifested within his first year, it was the growing strength of it that caught the attention of Master Healer Equard and lead to the wizard laying claim to the boy as a future healer. As he got older, Ioann was assigned to more lessons than the other children, with little time for play, and began to be singled out as special and valued because of his healing magic. One of his few non-Breliven friends was Jonath D’Loradon who was being fostered there, though the older boy was largely considered to be a distraction. Ioann’s life ambition was to become a Master Healer. While it was traditional to send children of royal lines to the University-Court at age ten, Pyotra delayed sending Ioann on the basis that the politics there would interfere with his studies.

Being sent to university
When Ioann was eleven, Pyotra’s son Vanya, who had been the Breliven Heir at University-Court, declared his intention to defy his mother and refuse the role, pleading psychological strain at having been away from Breliven too long. Vanya’s shameful defiance left Breliven under-represented, and as a result Ioann’s lessons where interrupted and he was sent to University-Court, much to everyone’s frustration. Once there, Ioann lived with his aunt Lidiya and her fully grown son Aleksandr, who had been born and raised at court. Having never left Breliven before, Ioann was very homesick and intimidated by the sheer grandeur and wealth of the floating city.

Apprenticeship to Arthan
He was apprenticed to Master Healer Arthan D’Hann, a well known and respected wizard who Ioann had met several times when Arthan would visit Breliven. It had been intended for several years that Ioann would study under Arthan, and the Master Healer adjusted well to the schedule change. While a great deal of his studies was done individually, Ioann befriended and often worked with Linetta D’Cless (a plant mage) and Dirk D’Serance (animal healing). Both were of his age, though neither of them had such a close tie to a royal family, having earned their invites on the basis of their power not their linage.

Harassed by cousin and war mages
Neither of them were able to accompany him to high social events, and he found the politics of the University-Court to be boring, confusing, and embarrassing. Aleksandr considered Ioann to be a threat to his attempt to claim the role of Breliven Heir, and Lidiya was often cold and distant, engrossed in her own brand of study. Ioann’s cousin harassed Ioann on a constant basis, and often sabotaged him, though Aleksandr never interfered with the healing lessons, since becoming a Master Healer would disqualify Ioann from the role of Heir. As a result, Ioann sought refuge among the healers and his lessons. Many of the other royal children were studying to become war mages, which was much more prestigious, and were disgusted that Ioann would favor his Breliven healing magic over his Loradon fire magic. Ioann learned to hide his emotions and avoid social situations in order to escape their abuse.

Darkfire attack
After a year, Ioann was just beginning to adjust to the self-based culture of the court, when the Darkfire wars began. While the renegade mage’s exploits were common gossip among the war mages, the healers had little to do with politics. Things hit home when the Darkfire Wizard attacked the floating city, leveling whole buildings with highly caustic and infectious darkfire metal bombs. The healer’s concave was particularly targeted; while Ioann and Arthan avoided being harmed in the attack, they were heavily involved in rescuing survivors and supplies. Despite wearing containment suits, being in the presence of the metal that Darkfire is derived from rendered their use of magic problematic, and the work had to be done by hand. While trying to save Dirk, Ioann’s hand got sliced open by darkfire metal debris that ripped through his insolating gloves.

Loss of magic
The darkfire contamination began draining Ioann’s life magic and life force, burning in his blood with a dangerous fever that developed within minutes of being cut. Most of the injured darkfire victims died within days, but after a few weeks, his wound stabilized at a drain only slightly higher than his body could produce, leaving him with a debilitating fever. His hand was mangled beyond repair, and while the healers studied the darkfire effects on him, nothing they tried could stop the gradual decay of his hand and arm. He lost all ability to manipulate his healing magic, rendering his years of study worthless. The worst part of it all is the other Healers’ pity. Despite his weakness, he persisted in what ever medical role he could, and helped other darkfire victims since he was already contaminated.

Exclusion from Breliven
During a particularly bad bought of fever, a large number of Breliven healers came to add their power in an experimental attempt to cure Ioann. Because of the Breliven tie to the land, Ioann’s injury was not just draining him, but was having a noticeable effect on the rest of the family. With Aleksandr’s urging, it was decided that Ioann must be removed from the connection, for the greater good. Once they did so, the contamination’s effect on him increased, and it became clear that he had only a short time left before it would consume him. Ioann had never felt so lonely, or betrayed by the people he trusted.

First kill and fleeing
Still unwilling to give up on his life’s work, he became a medical assistant, doing the most menial of jobs. The first time he killed, it was accidental, when giving first aid to a badly injured patient after a darkfire attack; Ioann’s injured hand came into contact with blood and the darkfire flared, almost instantly draining the victim. It happened several more times before Ioann realized what he was doing. In a panic, he confessed to Arthan, who examined Ioann and determined the draining had temporarily improved his own condition. Arthan urged Ioann to flee, for draining the magic of another wizard is one of the most illegal things a mage can do, and punishable by death. On Arthan’s suggestion, Ioann took some of Dirk’s clothing that he had saved, changed his name to ‘John,’ and ran away. The Master Healer told everyone that Ioann had finally died of his injury.

Refugee
Ioann had little money, and it was quickly taken away from him by the first band of thugs he encountered, who also administrated to him his first real beating. He was found nearly dead, and was assisted by a group of refugees, who he traveled with towards Loradon, in the hopes of somehow finding and contacting his old friend Jonath. He learned a quick and dirty kind of fighting with a knife, primarily seeking to score an open wound, which he could then use to drain his opponent. It took him several months to reach Loradon, and the ragged, demoralized boy who arrived in that land had lost all true hope of assistance. Instead, he developed a dark obsession with revenge, and knew that current speculation traced the Darkfire wizard’s origins to the mountainous region of Loradon.

Mercenary
Ioann’s refugee group stumbled over a group of Darkfire soldiers and was slaughtered, with only a bare handful able to flee and give warning to the village that was going to be attacked. The commoners assumed that Ioann was recently wounded, and treated him as such. When a mercenary group fighting for Loradon forces came looking for recruits, Ioann joined as a scout, largely because of his small size. Joining gave him an increased access to victims. He was bitterly jealous of the unit’s few mages, and tried to copy their fire magic, which is how he discovered he could produce a small, similar effect with darkfire energy. Doing so increased his need to kill, but made him feel powerful again, and he yearned for that, since a wizard without magic is nothing.

Alain
The soldiers in the mercenary camp were an eclectic lot, and many were less than savory individuals. At first, Ioann had to go to great lengths to protect even his right to food, let alone what little pay he received. An ex-farmer turned fighter by the wars took on an almost fatherly interest in the boy who was the same age as his deceased son. Alain was dour, quiet, and menacing, and he and Ioann got long very well, each sharing a desire for revenge. One night, Alain caught Ioann practicing with darkfire, and very nearly killed him in anger, and their friendship almost ended. They reached a kind of truce, where Alain vowed to kill Ioann should the darkfire ever completely take over.
notafirewithin: (a passive resignation)
Perseverance is his primary character trait, for better or for worse, and he doesn’t care which. Underneath the crunchy hurt and vengeful exterior is a hard and chewy center that is quiet and reserved, faithful, dependable, and very loyal. A large core of his problem is he feels that his faithfulness and loyalty betrayed him and lead him down the road to his current misery. Ideally, he deals with things internally, taking in evidence in a concrete fashion and dealing with them rationally and logically. Magical training in Glence is a rigorous science and philosophy, demanding mental discipline and attention to detail. But that means that he was never trained to deal with his emotions, in fact, too much emotion was considered a sign that he is weak. He likes order and instructions, and never really wanted anything more than to do right by his family and community, and being on his own has left him floundering and looking for a source of authority to tell him what he needs to do.

He is quiet, introverted, and frustrated by his inability to do things up to his high standards of performance and attention to detail. Normally a clean and careful student, his refugee lifestyle prevents him from the study that made him happy or the work that gave his life meaning. He doesn’t like feeling rushed, but he doesn’t feel like he has time left to waste or linger. Anything that is worth doing is worth doing poorly; no half-attempts here, even if failure is likely. He could work alone for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into his goals. There was something he really liked about being accountable for his successes and failures, and was looking forward to someday being in a position of authority. Once he takes on a cause, Ioann will go to just about any length to ensure that he is doing his duty by it. He has a ‘stick to it’ attitude, that now firmly fuels his desire for revenge.

All his life, he was defined from the outside, by other people. No one ever enabled or encouraged him to define himself, to ‘be himself,’ because that would be selfish and thus shameful. What he wanted never mattered, until he had nothing left to lose. There is a rage that is simmering under the surface, flickering upward each time he loses himself in a kill, that hates the random chance that ruined his life, but also the careful planning that made it not all that much of a life to begin with. Having refused to roll over and die, he is desperately seeking a way to reverse or stop the dark fire that is burning through Glence.

A wizard without magic is nothing in Glence. Without his tie to his home, he is no longer Breliven. Without his life magic, he is no longer a healer. All the ways he used to identify himself (heir, wizard, healer, Breliven, student, noble) have all been made lost to him, and left him with only two things to truly call his own: A refusal to die and a need to have his life been worth something. He appraises himself in comparison to the people who used to be his peers, or even the most minor of wizards, and finds himself wanting.

Ioann feels a deep sense of disgust with his self and the person he has become. The frustrated hope, the internalized feelings of pain, resentful bitterness, and a profoundly wounded heart have formed in the previously peaceful, if proud, boy a deep desire for violent revenge. It is easy for him to admit, and act on, the desire to have vengeance against the wizard whose darkfire disrupted Ioann’s world. Much harder to face is the fury at the people he loved and trusted who he feels have abandoned him to death or disgrace. He seeks gratification by retaliation for injuries suffered, and he will take it where he can find it, with ever decreasing concern for the actual guilt of his victims

He is deeply ashamed of himself and what he has become, and considers himself to be unworthy of any positive consideration or treatment. Ioann believes that the irrefutable evidence is that he is a guilty, cruel, unworthy and unwanted mistake, and that the very best he could possibly do to make up for it is to use his badness to get revenge and stop the people who threaten what was once his world. He has developed a complete lack of interest in other people, or in relating to them. Once out of the context of serving his family and home, he has a general “look after oneself only” tendency; having decided that people only care about themselves. After having been so hurt by the people he loved, he has reacted by dismissing the importance of relationships and pushing away anything that threatens his highly private and introverted life.

His personal weakness lies not in his anger, but in the hurt that fuels that anger: the pained conviction that he is good for nothing, and the fear that other people will realize that and also cast him out. Ioann has been so conditioned by his childhood, that he has a hard time functioning outside of the framework he grew up in. Magic is everything, and he doesn’t have any. Ioann is willing to do just about anything, including cold blooded murder and madness, in order to have some kind of magic, even darkfire magic.

Ioann’s person strength lies in his steadfast determination. Once the boy sets his mind on a goal, nothing will persuade him from it. He will keep going and seek to strive past the pain, despite the illness, in spite of what ever gets in his way. Ioann does not give up, else it would have been so much easier to just lie down and die. Instead, he clings to life, at what ever cost. His potential loyalty, if ever given, is invaluable. Even now, after everything he has gone through, he still reacts like a healer, when push comes to shove; gut reactions that add to his guilt and shame at his acts of murder.

More info on his personality can be found here: http://notafirewithin.livejournal.com/2231.html
notafirewithin: (Default)
In many ways, Ioann’s biggest problems, losing his magic and slowly dying aside, stem from his lack of a clear sense of self and identity. His identify has always been something externally applied to him, instead of something that steps from within and through self-reflection and careful analysis.

When he was little, he was Breliven. That was all that really mattered. Ioann was interchangeable with any other little Breliven boy, with the same dirty blonde hair and fair skin, the same eyes and height and mannerism. Raised in a crèche, there was little to distinguish or separate him from the dozen other children who might as well have been his own siblings. They all looked and acted the same, believed the same ideals, possessed the same homes. The family did that intentionally, fostering the national and familial identity above all else, imbedding it deep within the children’s psyche from the earliest age possible.

When he became a little older, his identify was altered to match his powers. He became labeled a Breliven Healer, and Ioann’s life began to revolve around his studies and his powers. It never crossed his mind that he could be anything else, or that he would ever want to be anything else. Nor was he given any opportunities to be faced with other options. It wasn’t about what he wanted, any way, it was about what the family wanted, what Breliven needed. He was born to be a healer, it is in his blood. His mother was chosen for his father because of her abilities and because of her own magical bloodlines, in the determined efforts to produce a child, him, with more powerful magic. That they grew to love each other was merely a pleasant byside, but hardly necessary.

When they decided he was to become a future Mater healer, that was pressed upon him, reinforced from every angle. Everything that he did was expected to help him toward that goal. Oh, he got to play games and have friends, because doing so fosters healthy children. Ioann was constantly reminded of what he existed for, and raised to believe that it was the highest dream he could aspire toward. It became what he wanted, above anything else, because he hadn’t ever had the chance to dream otherwise.

He wants to go home, because he was raised on a sense of loyalty that goes deeper than patriotism or familial feelings. And he doesn’t dare because he cares enough about them to fear that he will harm Breliven. But at a deeper level, he doesn’t want the people he loves to see him for what he has become; he’d rather they think the naïve boy who had gone to court was dead than think that he’s sunk so low. And he is angry that they didn’t try harder to heal him, his home that was going to demand all of his life in it’s service.

Ioann values tradition, security and peaceful living, and will work long and hard to fulfill his duties. He can be depended on to follow through on tasks and, when not emotionally compromised, is stable, practical and down to earth. He doesn’t like things that don’t make sense or that don’t have a practical application. He prefers to work alone and has profound respect for concrete information. He doesn’t like change and has strong opinions on how things should be.

Under stress, he fell into a mode of catastrophe, berating himself for what he should have done differently, and the duties he has failed, or were failed against him. The ability to see things calmly and rationally jumped right out the window, and it is so much easier to judge everyone else rather than think about his own responsibility. He is easily frustrated by inconsistencies with others, especially if they don’t keep their commitments. And now no one expects anything from him.

Ioann wanted to make his family proud, to prove that he was worthy to be the next master healer. To be seen as special, for excelling at that which his home was most proud of. And so the boy was driven and studious, often serious and usually alone. He could relate to very few people at court, but those friends he did have would call him loyal, caring, and patient. He was often homesick, and found it difficult to shrug off the jibs and scorn of the more political court youths who treated him like some kind of country bumpkin, though he never showed them.

His darkfire injury changed all of that, and only his determination to find a cure prevented him from taking his own life in those first few months. Breliven cut him from the family connection, least his contamination spread to infect the land. His magic evaporated and left him with years of wasted study. And he is angry.

Ioann has started to experiment with the darkfire in his veins, finding in it a new, different magic that he can use. But each time he does so, it drains more energy from him, and the contamination spreads. He needs to take the life of another in order to maintain his life and to power the darkfire. Killing has become a kind of addiction; both a relief from the horrid burning of the fire in his veins and an overwhelming sense of power at being able to control the darkfire. Ioann’s guilt is eating away at him, and the darkfire is making him crueler, harsher, more volatile. It brings out the worst emotions in him.

His family and home are too close to his heart and too important for him to hate them without hating part of himself, and so he blames and punishes himself instead. He has to resist the urge to leap to their defense and will bode no ill word against Breliven, reacting violently to even the suggestion that he face the hurt he has garnered by his isolation. He constantly justifies what they have done to him, over and over, rather than admit that he can’t get over his feelings of bitterness and helplessness. Ioann suffers from feelings of abandonment and desertion at being rejected by his family and fleeing from the court; the worlds that should rightly belong to him by virtue of the noble blood and magical power that he had been born with are forever closed to him now. The life he had been raised for is gone.

He hates himself. His active consciousness expresses dread, horror, anger, resentment, and hatred at himself and others, and he finds himself brooding on fantasies of revenge as often as day dreams of someday returning home to a hero’s welcome, healed and whole. Worse, over the months, as he delves deeper and deeper into the mysteries of darkfire, the day dreams are getting rarer, as he resigns himself to despair; the darkfire has such a root in his sense of self that he can not imagine himself ever being free of it again. Suicide has no longer become an option for him; he needs his sins to be justified, needs to believe that what he has done and what has been done to him is not for nothing.

The worst part is the burning knowledge that what he has suffered isn’t even as bad as most of the people he encounters. So many people have been killed, maimed, orphaned, left in dire poverty, abandoned by their rulers, suffering from both the war and the oppressive nature of the world they live in. His misery is in contrast to his life before the war, for some of the men he lives among, this war is an improvement. His isolation builds, because he doesn’t think he can relate to any of them, and doesn’t even try.

The only person he feels any kind of real connection is Alain, who never asks him about his emotions or past, instead keeping their interaction largely utilitarian and businesslike. They each do their job, and don’t have to say anything about it. And Ioann finds some small comfort in Alain’s grim threat to kill him if the darkfire takes over, trusting in the older man’s hatred and brutal honesty to keep his word. The boy feels bad about hiding just how far gone he’s gotten, but he doesn’t want to die before he gets his revenge.
notafirewithin: (longing for reasons)
Arthan, called the Verdant, holds a place of prominence in the University-Court, and a cloak of the brightest green, the shade of a new spring leaf, unfurling in the brightest of morning sun. It is said, among those who dare to speak of such things, or whisper, as the case may be, that he serves the High Wizards himself, directly. That from those callus hands are served elixirs of distilled life, held with careful kindness to trembling lips. Trust, pure, utter and simple, that is what Arthan possesses, and the life of the most powerful man in all the known world hangs unquestioned on his abundant knowledge, unwavering discretion, and indisputable skill.

Hailing from the Province of Thanpent, Arthan came to court as a young boy, and never left again, other than periodic visits to study the eccentrics of far and distant healers. He once spent a month in the land of Breliven, and his fondness for the land and its fresh air and soothing water is well known, in the proper circles. Many are the nobles that he has recommended to the province’s treatment centers and spas, when rest is called for. But that man is far to energetic to rest in such a backwater domain for long, and is soon on his way again, to seek the next cure, the next potion, the next spell that means the difference, somewhere for someone, between life and death’s deep draught.

The aging of a century has done nothing to slow him, and the healer is known to outrace, out run, and out distance men a quarter of his years, with a flush health that puts youth to shame. He moves with a fluidity of action that wastes no effort and possesses no hesitation, each gesture correct and each word specific for what he seeks to do. There is no room for his students to stumble or falter or fail, because he demands of them the same dedication that Arthan gives. He will ask nothing from the children sent to him that he is not willing to give himself; but some souls have limits far beyond that of normal men and women, and Arthan gives his all and holds nothing back, and the majority of mages in the world would drown in the difference between his efforts and their own.

The irony is that those same wizards frown upon the healer’s choice of profession, for Healing magic is, almost by definition, energy dispensed on another’s account. What a fool, the war-wizards laugh, behind their shields and leven blasts, to give so freely of his energy store, to people who might someday be an enemy. Pouring out magic like water, when it should be as precious as blood, and dispensing teaching based on dedication instead of more practical decision making devices. Why, he lets peasants mingle with his apprentices of true blood, and judges them on the same footing!

What portent such power, when it goes to naught? The trust of the High Wizard is no little thing, but does Arthan use such influence? Not so that one might be able to discern. His rooms are no grander than any other master of his rank and lineage. He possesses no special treasure, or stash of books, having the naivety to grant entry to his library anyone who claims to have a use for the information. He gives, and does not ask the cost, and so passes by a great deal of profit. The day will come when Arthan lies down and never rises, and from his death discarded possessions, there will be nothing that bore his hand alone and none other.

When the wizards of Glence gather, Arthan is among their number, and yet, apart. The healers have always had an uneasy alliance with the other wizards of the University Court, for the power of Life magic is more often tied to land than to blood. Perhaps it is a legacy of the centuries of civil war, of blood spilt on fields and rotten in shallow graves, churned into rich soil. It wells up with the grass, and it blossoms with the trees, and it flows through the air with the clean and crispness of a spring wind or carrying the sicken sweet stench of death, decay, and new growth. Across the breadth and depth of Glence, long over looked bloodlines burst forth, offering up to the greater good the promise of a better future for the healer who dares to petition for a place among the students of nobles.

Gray-green cloaks, and rusty browns, mosses and sages and dirty shades of green… the lower magicians of Glence far outnumber the most mighty. Every town has it’s healer, every village it’s witch. Midwifes and nurses, animal handlers and farmers in their fields, the common wizards spring like weeds from the rich soil. Even the highest of Healers mingle among the lowest, and for thousands of menial labor and workers across all the domains the only bright cloaked wizard they will see, in person, in flesh, in fabric and breath, will be one of those bright green cloaks of a Healer.

Can it be different from Arthan’s doing? Perhaps, the policy was in place long before his birth was even an idea in some matriarch’s scheming. And it will exist long after he is ash and dust and wasted blood. But he is the face the war wizards see, the hand that holds the scalpel and the potion, that eases fevers and binds broken bones. They practice their arts of war, and send their soldiers, broken and battered, to be tended by the Healer’s, and they demand his time and his effort on their behalf, when their thirst for violence and power brings them injury.

The High Wizards fo Glence love Arthan, and hate him. Fear him, and dismiss him. They do all of these, and think little of it, because that has been the way it has always been, for years uncounted. And the treatment for a teacher extends to his students. Had Ioann been soley of Breliven stock, then maybe they would have overlooked him, counting the backwoods province as little better than the hedge-witchery of their own fields. But in his blood flows the war magic of Loradon as well, and he seeks none of it.

Such precious blood. So wasted. Arthan can only protect him so far, and beyond the healer’s domain, the nobles have very different ideas. Lessons must be taught, willing or not.
notafirewithin: (yearning for substance)
His new bedroom felt very…. Odd. Ill fitted. A lush bed, laden with blankets and quilts, all of the finest quality, lacking the draping curtain common to Breliven beds that could be pulled to keep out drafts of cold air on a winter’s night. The University-Court had no need of such measures to ensure that each persons room remained comfortable. There was magic enough for all of that. Like wise, the thin carpet on the floor was there for appearances, for glory, for a demonstration of wealth and sophistication, not to keep bared feet from freezing on a stone floor some early morning. There was row upon row of books and scrolls, and a desk that will soon be his sole domain. Ioann drifted over to investigate the desk, letting his new servant follow him into the room, to deliver his bags and begin organizing his wardrobe and supplies. The unfamiliar presence of a servant was both comforting and discomforting, for Ioann longed for the abundant company of home, but wanted a peer, not a minion.

Turning his attention to the desk, the boy lightly touched the collection of feather quills, and let his hand move over to a glass one, sharp as a needle, and a metal one after it, and then a bone one, each just as sharp as the first. A dozen different inks shimmered in their glass jars, though the largest was a simple black. The drawer revealed an abundance of both parchment and paper, as well as cloth and hides and fine sheets of wood and metal. This desk was made for students, what ever kind they might be, though he noticed there were more inks in shades of green than any other. He would have to familiarize himself with his new supplies and equipment, and then personalize, so that everything will be where he can reach. No one else ought ever to be handling this desk, nor anything it contains, unless give explicit permission. Not even the servants, he was given to understand, would dare to lay a hand upon his work without his personal consent. They wouldn’t dare. Not that he was all that threatening.

But they weren’t afraid of him, not really. Just a student, hardly a threat. They are afraid of who he will become and what he represents. He is one of the very few faces of Breliven, and so granted special privilege and power in the court of Glence. He is a wizard, and one of the higher ones, claiming royal blood on both sides of his lineage. And soon, in the way that years are reckoned among those who strive toward immortality and eternal youth, he will be among the powerful elite by worthy of his own blooded power. Who would dare to be the incompetent and disgraceful twit that interfered with the work of such as he might become? He might wreck vengeance, though that seems a most distant thought to Ioann, or they might ruin some careful spell that might have become a cure to a serious malady. Healers have a kind of honor, even among the wizards, for all they are unprone to throwing fireballs or lightening strikes.

And of course, one should never underestimate the possibility of bobby-traps. Poisons can be very unpleasant. And healers can be very…. Discrete.
notafirewithin: (The smallest human smile)
In the lands of Glence, family linage is determined through the mother’s line. What a strange and foreign way of thought, to the nobles of the wizard-lands, that someone would trust a thing as important as blood heritage to the meager bonds of the marriage bed.  The wizards have only a passing interest in the institution to begin with, a particularly formal alliance between members of a royal house, but with none of the religious clout that more primitive lands adhere to. Nor such a silly thing as bed room morality.
 
Heritage is simple, if not self evident by the manifestations of one’s blood. A mother can know what lies with in her womb, a father can be fooled. Sometimes, mothers are tricked as well, but those are rarer, and so the standard rule applies among the high families. And should a wife violate the marriage contract, that is her prerogative, for a contract can be violated by either side, and each must deal with the repercussions of their own indulgences, if they have the power to get away with such acts. The child, however, will always be hers. The man should feel grateful to be included into a noble lineage, that the blood of his blood will mingle in the deep magics and pass on to future generations of rulers.
 
There is no shame in being borne out of wedlock, no tragedy or insult, though the husband would do well to be slighted at his exclusion from the blood pool and the father greatly honored that a wizard would chose to carry his seed to term and claim it as her own. After all, among the wizards of Glence, there is no such thing as an accidental birth. No, rather, among the highest borne, reproduction is a careful hobby, a dedicated plan, not to ensure for one’s self or one’s child a throne, but to promise it to one’s grand son or great grand daughter.  It takes time and patience and careful lobbying and courting. And love, oh love, has nothing to do with any of it.
 
Ioann had the virtue of being born with his mother on the correct side of the equation, giving him a direct link to the linage of Larodan, and his magic proof enough of his Breliven heritage. Fyador, the grand-nephew of Pyotr, the High wizard of Beliven, had been wed with all due formality, and some affection, for all that mattered, to Polina, who was the daughter of Isabella, a cousin to the High wizard of Loradon, and thus of fine royal blood. Through their alliance, and the blood that runs warm in his veins, Ioann was born to bear the burden of blood from two royal lines.
 
Ioann, and his infant brother Mikhail,  are the reslt of careful planning and breeding by the patriarch of the family. But Pyotr had made his will well known, several years before, when the young boy’s invitation to court was declined in favor of furthering his healing training. The life mage is pegged for the future role of Master Healer, which would deny him, once in place, from ever being in contention for the Heirship. What little Aleksandr had seen of that happy nine year old had filled him with familial pride. Would that things had stayed the same.
 
Politics shift quickly, even for those as long lived as the Brelivens, and Vanya, the decrepit old fool, longed for home more each passing day. Stepping down from the Heirship should have left the field open for Aleksandr, who had been raised at court in constant preparation for his place as Vanya’s due replacement. Who else from Breliven knew the place so well, had the proper conections, how could they dare to imagine that this mere slip of an untried boy, not yet even possessing a cloak, could ever be better suited. Does not the royal blood of two great houses flow through Aleksandr’s veins as well as Ioanns?
 
Aleksandr was not so luckily breed, for while his father s well known to be of Haitor, such a parentage was completed without the binding contract of a marriage alliance that would compel his father’s family to accept him as a member of their own. He is but one step in a grand plan, so that he might possess, and pass on, the blood of his father and the firey magic of his father’s blood. In the subtle ploys of the court, his mother was highly lauded for her clever tactic, but for a boy grown into a man, he was a part of a politic system from which he could barely hope to suffer any gain.
 
And yet, he had such hopes, for he learned from his mother to be shrewd and from the court to look out only for himself. Raised far from his homeland, he was free from the careful education that ensures the loyalty of the blood line. He has been exposed to the intrigue and court dramas, the plotting and planning and ploys, and the dark underside of the shimmering court, with all its eyes lurking for a mis-step and a sudden opportunity.
 
Beneath it all, in the place where he does not wish to look within his deepest heart, Aleksandr shies away from the profound truth that threatens his careful façade of indifference and desire for power. Should they ask, should they call for him, he would pack up and go home, tail between his legs, and scowl on his face. But his heart would rejoice. For, as all can attest, Aleksandr is a proper Breliven, and they are bound to their land by more than ingrained loyalty or family feeling. It calls to him, calls to his blood across all the distance and all the years. He might have been born at court and visited his homeland but a handful of time, but his soul can not forget that profound and earth sustaining feeling of rightness that filled him to the brim and over flowing when he set foot across the invisible line that casts Breliven apart from the rest of Glence.
 
He can almost justify his plotting as a favor to the naïve boy that they had dared to send as an interruption to his goals. Ioann doesn’t have to die, no, to be sent back in shame would be enough. He merely needs to be removed. Good and gone. Miserable and homesick, Ioann was unprepared for life at court, and Aleksandr feels no true compulsion to help him. Better to let him fail, or succeed and find the place to horrible to bear. Let him merely get his cloak and be gone. No Healer has ever won the high throne of Glence. No healer would ever want such a bloody and ruthless thing.
notafirewithin: (a cost too great to be borne)
A mad thing, a sad thing, that a boy, a child really, of a mere ten or eleven years can be made into a threat to a man full grown. Pure and simple insanity, and yet the basic truth. And Ioann had hardly any idea of it at all. None really, with that idiotic idealism of his homeland, carefully cultivated by and continued within the rest of the family. What a pity. Aleksandr does so hope that he won’t have to kill his young cousin. That would be such a waste of potential, a blow to Breliven indeed. But it simply will not do to have him here. No, not at all, not one bit. Ioann must go, and quickly. The only question, in the astringent last part, is going to be a question of how?
notafirewithin: (Default)
The first sight of the High Wizard’s Court of Glence is staggering. It hits the viewer upside the head with all the glamour and glory and menacing might of a hundred generations of wizards. Nothing in all the world can compare to it in terms of sheer expense and wonder, no place is as dangerous, no prize as glorious, and no place that Ioann would less like to be.
 
The floating court looks like a gleaming smear on the horizon, distant and gleaming, sparkling like a giant star on the bitter edge of the world. But not for long. The floating barge swings wise, far and fast, to bring its valuable passengers into alignment with the moving court, dancing in the sky to the whims of the High Wizard and his pet magicians who control the skies. The power necessary to keep that much metal and stone and glass floating a mile about the earth, or surely more, is enough to make whole armies turn tail and flee.
 
It gleams, a gem in a crown formed of the high mountains beyond it and the darkening sky above. And it glows, with power as much as of light, and in all the colors of the rainbow. Who in their right mind would every come to such a place. Who would ever dare to leave?
 
Contained within that floating city, court, and university, are the most powerful wizards of glance and the brightest minds and innovative casters. Hundreds of teachers, each the best in their field. Thousands of students, almost all of which from a noble family, hailing from even the farthest domain of the lands of Glence. And servants, so many, more than all the people living within the bounds of Breliven. More people than Ioann can even imagine, and all caught up together in a floating city, the pride of Glence. It’s very beating heart, brain, and bitter sol, all rolled up into one tight wad of magic.
 
Far from Glence, the word ha spread from moth to mouth, ear to ear, that the mighty wizards of Glence, for all of their brutal civil wars, have never been defeated by an outside foe. Their floating castle has never been taken, can never, even, be taken, by force or magic frontal attack. It requires skill to gain entry to such a place, noble blood to content for the throne, and magical ability above all else, in order to be respected by the myriad of wizards that rule the land of Glence.
 
Let those other countries pretend that their armies might protect them.  Let those far and distant nations and monarchies and theocracies and chaotic city states, let them imagine for a moment or even a life time, that they might, should a war ever brew, stand a chance of shattering the alliance of mages that constitute Glence. And then let them come here, if they can find it. Let them come and look and feel, and shudder in horror at their own impertinence to dare to believe that such a place can be taken.
 
And let them flee, before the mages that occupy those high seats, who rule their lands with ruthless control and freedom in the most broad understanding of the term, with powers that defy the very laws of reality, look down from their positions of power, and notice.
notafirewithin: (No where left to go and nothing left to)
The winter came early, the year Ioann left home.  Before that day, he had always imagined his home, when he tried to fit the broad valley into his mind, as a sunny place. Warm and comforting, with gray-green tuffs of grass and a quilt of farmland stretching out to link one high rocky rise with its mirror cousin. A place where the sun shines and the wind blows, and the grain sways with the breeze like golden fabric.  Ever after, however, his could only picture his home like it was the last time he looked.
 
Blue sky, clear and cloudless and washed out with the morning light that broke over the mountains, with the bite of chill that heralded the turn in the seasons as the empty fields below the roadway shimmered with a dusting of frost. It was as if magic had settled over the land during the night, and was waiting to be swept up in preparation for a new day. A fine layer of ice hung to the short, stunted trees of Breliven, as they in turn clung to their rocky surfaces. Each leaf sparkled in the sunlight, looking, for a brief flash, like spun sugar or delicate glass.
 
The boy looked out over the cradle of his youth, and made a memory, deep in his mind. A treasure, hidden away where he might come to play and fiddle with, turning it over and over and over till he knows every edge and surface. A stash, a private thing, that no one else need ever see, or find, caught in the space behind his eyes and between his ears. More importantly, a keep-sake, a parting gift, a comforting reminder of the place he loves so much, and everything inside it, to keep his soul warm till he comes home again.
 
The road before him looked so desolate in comparison. Even the untrained eye can mark the border between Loradon and Breliven, with no need for something as petty as a wall or a line, or even guards for that matter. On one side the road snaked up the mountain side, grass pressing through the gravel and pouring in over the sides. Not so much a road as a narrow pass, two men could walk side by side, or a man and horse, but anything as great as a wagon would be hard pressed to keep all four wheels on solid ground.
 
The grass was greener, on the Breliven side. The dirt was softer, darker, with more vegetable matter than the dust of rocks. The air was fresher, tasting of fallen leaves and churned soil, with that sigh of air that comes from the breeze blowing over the valley. The sunlight danced over the rock outcroppings and the mountain ridges to paint the gravel momentarily golden. And the frost clung to the underside of every work, sparkling and bright, even in the shadows.
 
Perhaps, maybe, just maybe, there was no real difference on the other side of the road, as the path linked the two domains without any pretension of grandeur.  But no one who walked along this road, as few travelers as there ever were, could remain oblivious to the moment that they first breath in Breliven air or set foot on Breliven soil. This little slice of the world was different, in every way that really mattered, and every person, and animal, and plant, could feel that difference down to the very core of their inner most being.
 
Ioann had never gone farther than this edge, in all eleven years of his life. Never crossed over before, for more than a few minutes, and never wanted to.  This was the only road, only official road, to come in or out of the secluded valley, not that every visitor needed a road.  Every child of Breliven, eventually, makes his or her way to the road and the border. Maybe, the braver and more venturesome might sneak out to visit this strange place as an act of daring or curiosity. The more timid are brought by their parents or their friends, so they might, for a few moments, envision a larger world, and everything that entails.
 
Every winter, Ioann would come with his parents and grandparents and great grand parents, all his uncles and cousins and aunts. A great swarm of family, up to the road, in a rite and reminder of the cost and privilege of being on this side of the line. There is a slight down beat, to the rhythm of life, when he steped over that invisible boundary.  It hits the stomach like a dead weight, sinking down half an inch, as if the entire world has gotten just that much harder to bear.
 
They give him a few moments, to stare out over the valley, for the last time in a very long time. Ioann had never gone more than a handful of steps beyond the border, and soon he will be several domains over, with no chance to return for several years. He desperately needed that look to say good bye, though he could hardly articulate the feeling. In some ways, the future distance doesn’t matter. An inch or a mile, the burden will be the same, until that day he returns home.
 
So he savored the view, the way the light reflected, blinking in the sun. The image of home now burning into his mind holds those white dusted fields and the ice edged gray-green grass and rocks that sparkled in the shadows where the heat of the day hd not yet reached to melt the fragile ice crystals. The wind was stronger, that high up on the mountain road, than the breezes that make the grass sway below. Cold. It was pleasant, on the other side, but on this side the boy crossed his arms about himself and shuddered.
 
He knew, knew in a deep and dark place that he didn’t want to peer too closely at, that once he turned away, he would be gone and there would be no going back. The outside would was going to change him, as worlds always do. Here, in the heartland of his life, everything is controlled and clear and laid out before him. The boy has only to walk the path laid out before him, and it will take him to everything he ever thought he wanted. And now the road has lead him here, and he doesn’t want to go.
 
He doesn’t want to turn, to put his back to his home, to walk away. Even for an Hour. Even for a day. A year. A lifetime… no, never a life time. The only strength that can fuel the furnace of Ioann’s resolve is the dedication that this will not be, can never be, good bye forever.  The youth would come back, return a man, with a man’s responsibility. A full wizard, resplendent in green cloth. He would return, to walk proudly back along this road. And damnation to anyone who seeks to stop him.
 
This is home, his only home, the only one he has ever known. And they’re sending him away.  And he’s going, how can he be going? How much easier would it be to stay, to run away from his cousin and his aunt, to hide among the grass and the rocks and…. And what? Wait for winter? There is no place to go, no place to hide. And even if he could flee into the distance, how could he hide from the guilt within of intentionally removing himself from his community. Family is everything to him. So is home.
 
He doesn’t want to leave, to head into winter, for the Ladoran winter is far colder than it’s nearby valley ally.  It will be exposed out there, in that wide open world, and everyone will be watching.
 
Maybe he would have stood there forever, as the winder fell around him and the stars passed over head, rotating day to night and back around again in an endless spiral that counts not the value of a single human life. But his travel companions have different ideas, and it is still several miles till they reach the portal way that would send them skyward towards the Court. They each remember that first feeling, the profundity of it all, and the many trips home do nothing more than increase the sense of anticipation of leaving once more. It is easy to yearn, with the fullness of one’s eternal being, for each trip to be the last, and each return to be the final coming home.
 
This is a piece of their exile as well. But one can not be D’Breliven and not know one’s duty, and the importance of doing it. They all must leave, so that they may return. Go, so that no one else would have to. This honor, this burden, is not punishment, but rather a sign that one is considered qualified enough to represent the valley to the rest of the domains. To stand before the highest wizards of the land and be counted a fair representation of the land of Breliven. To study. To learn. To politic. To plot. To make alliance. To make friends. Perhaps even, to make enemies.
 
So they wait. But they do not wait for very long. And it seems all too soon that Lidiya approached him, to place a hand firmly on Ioann’s shoulder. She could feel, beneath his fingers, his soul and shoulders sloop, as a breath slipped out in something as heavy as a sigh. She did not have to say a word, for between them was that connection, the fine line and network that connects each and every one of the members of Ioann’s family with a binding akin to that which wraps the border in its comforting and calming aura.
 
He is not alone.
 
And so they turned their backs as one, and left onto winter, the gravel crunching as rock and ice grind together with every firm footfall down the road that leads from home.

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Ioann D'Breliven

December 2011

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